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Reductress headlines

2023

• REPORT: You Are the Friend Who Makes Everyone Else Feel Better About Their Own Lives
• I LIVED IT: I Had to Make Eye Contact During My Wedding Vows
• Self-Care King! This Man Rested for Three Days
• 5 Names to Call Him Instead of Acknowledging It Just Wasn’t a Good Fit

2022

• How I’m Doing the Work to Understand My Privilege as a Taylor Swift Concert Ticket Holder
• 15 Minutes of Christmas Music More Effective Than Four Years of Zoloft

2021

• Cool Song Restarted Before Friend Gets in Car
• New Bumble Filter Allows You to Narrow Prospects by Dishwasher Loading Style
• Newly Sober Woman Relieved to Know She Will Never Do Karaoke Again
• I Don’t Need Alcohol To Have Fun! I Need Something Much, Much More Powerful
• Mom Only Body Positive Toward Babies
• Woman Searching Porn Pretty Pleased With Herself After Spelling ‘Amateur’ Correctly
• As Society Reopens, Here Is How I am Relearning to Hold Farts In
• Woman Excited to Never Take a Walk for Fun Again
• Single Pubic Hair Pushing Through Underwear Like Fragile First Bud of Spring
• Coworkers Now Know Exactly How Saggy Boobs Are

2020

• Woman Who Says Exercise Is Like Therapy Must Have Some Pretty Light Trauma
• How to Resist Screaming ‘You Don’t Even Know Me, Do You???’ When Your Mom Asks for Holiday Gift Ideas
• Santa Announces Plans to Lube Up Each Chimney With Hand Sanitizer Before Sliding Down
• Dad Would’ve Totally Kept Trump in Check if He Was Debate Moderator *
• BREAKING: Groom’s Hairline Will be Pushed Back as Well
• Woman Living Through Greatest Civil Rights Moment of Her Lifetime Continues to Only Post Photos of the Basil She’s Growing
• Easy Lunch Ideas To Fuel You Through An Afternoon Of Unprovoked Police Brutality
• Tell Us How Long You Spend Staring at Yourself in Zoom Calls and We’ll Tell You How Popular You Were in Eighth Grade
• Contactless Delivery Familiar to Children of Divorce
• Winter Leg Hair Granted Extension Through Coronavirus
• QUIZ: Is Everyone Taking Their Underwear Off During Massages?
• Little Free Library Brightens Community As Receptacle For Unwanted Books

2019

• Five Pairs of Pants That Can Find Your Clit Faster Than Brian *

* indicates accompanying article body also written by me